The above is from a recent email that I received from He Who We Freely Wheel Around – aka The Wholly Spoke. But before attempting to address the monstrous task set by his hubness it seems particularly appropriate in this season of goodwill to acknowledge the work that John has put in to Freewheelin’. But how to do this? HA! Why not by observing a minute’s silence? OK, neither the printed page nor the Internet are vehicles that lend themselves to a respectful interlude, so can I suggest that instead we contemplate the following for the requisite sixty seconds?

Well, thanks for that. I’m sure John values our thoughts, however confused, as much as he does our (well, some of us) contributions. Whilst on the subject of the Spoke, it’s also appropriate to pay tribute to his fortitude, as well as to the tolerance he extends to us scribblers, who between us embrace everything from the serious to the surreal, with possibly the odd (especially so in my case) element of the cerebral flung in for good measure. Anyway, to business.

Reading that email with eyes that could be gates to the sole, but which eighteen pints of Old Horizontal have rendered utterly legless, I pondered. The shattered matter that on 31 January 1998 passed at approximately seventy feet per second through a space some five feet above the Otley Road, Leeds, stirred and restlessly swirled. Slowly, from out of the miasma an IDEA took shape. It was a parallelepiped. Which as any fule kno is a prism whose faces are all parallelograms. And, for those who care but don’t yet know, the volume of a three-dimensional parallelepiped is given by the scalar triple product. What the hell, it’s ALL beyond me.

LISTS! Where would we be without them? An essential in every social and professional context, they are something we so routinely use that often we don’t register their presence. But try getting through the day without them and see what happens! Chums, the brain can’t function without them. Amongst many other things, a list brings order to chaos, helps establish methodology and is a powerful aide memoire. They are so commonplace that most times we take them for granted and, in doing so, too often reduce them to the absurd.

Today’s (29 December) Observer newspaper is jam-packed with lists. All of ‘em splendidly absurd, though some, notably those dealing with international affairs, are perhaps intended to be VERY SERIOUS INDEED. And IMPORTANT. Well, for sure, when the subject matter is the possibility of an attack on Iraq, or GW’s musings on matters military, then the topic is indeed massively significant. Why, this time next year we may be either dead or listening very carefully to ‘A Hard Rain’s a-Gonna Fall’. But human nature being what it is, I suspect that most folk are more worried about what to wear to the New Year party, and/or about January’s credit card bill.

I’ll spare you Bob’s exact response, but I suspect that you can guess. Now, at this point I need to make it clear that I do not expect others to share my views on ‘top thingy’ lists. In truth I prefer them not to. But not because I’m inherently anti-social, or have any notion that being out of the main stream is the better place. Nor do I think that ‘different’ is ‘better’, especially as one of the many follies of the human condition is to view ‘difference’ as a negative. All the entirely undesirable -isms can be traced to that, as can oppression, exploitation and conflict.

Well, perhaps it’s all too serious, so as it’s the Spoke who spake, I’ll give it a go. However I can’t be doing with a time frame of just one year, as that’s an arbitrary step too far. So then, in no particular order, here we go with my TOP TIN OF THEN ‘TIL NOW...

H’mmm. As puns go it’s fairly excruciating of course, though I’m quite pleased with myself for working ‘Buckets’ in to it. And yes, there are only five, but if you are so minded, they might all want thinking twice about. Actually they don’t of course need any thought, since the opportunity cost of spending time on this nonsense is time lost to something more useful, or fulfilling, or simply entertaining. This list (and, I contend, all ‘best of’ lists) manifestly fails all three tests.

As I write, I’m listening to Johnny and Jack singing This World Can’t Stand Long. Good song, nicely interpreted by Bob. And, in it’s own way a useful reminder that for all the frivolity, froth and festivity, not to mention the concerts, CD’s and commentary, that it all takes place on a planet that is, sadly as ever, on the brink of Something Very Nasty Indeed.

Maybe it won’t make an iota of difference to audiences at any future shows if Baghdad burns whilst Bob sings. Or to know that whilst some scream with pleasure, elsewhere others scream in pain. Things can be different, though it’s hard to see how real change can take place given the backdrop of vested interests, prejudices and egos that afflict so many, most particularly those who believe they have a destiny to fulfil. But it can be done.

Amnesty and others could use more support. There are Ministers, MP’s and local Councillors to lobby. Letters to write. Attitudes and mindsets to change – so much to do that you may need to make a list…What was it you wanted?